[#SKOA30] Day 12: A Song That Brings Up Painful Memories
5 years ago I got out of a relationship that had almost completely hollowed me out as a person. As I do with everything and everyone I love, I had really poured as much of myself as possible into that relationship . In return I would come to realize that I had been emotionally abused and gaslit into such a state that I could barely recognize the person looking back at me in the mirror. I think one of the hardest parts of recovering from that relationship was watching my ex happily run off with the woman he had started a relationship with before ours ended with seemingly little to no recourse for the way he hurt me. He even reached out a handful of times thinking that at some point we would be able to be friends. I remember being in the thick of it in therapy, working to uncover how much emotional abuse I had endured during that relationship when mAsis’ “Virginia Wolf” came into my life. I had finally come to understand how little I had actually been respected and how much I had been manipulated in my relationship. As tiny emotional triggers would surface during my day to day activities, most were fairly easy to recognize and work past. The ones where I would essentially just shut down amidst the de-programming process, I would hear the almost whimper/wail-like hook from this song, “please let me go”. The whole song really encapsulated exactly how I was feeling at the time if I’m being honest. I was so desperate to get past all the harm that he’d done, but unfortunately I’ve come to learn that healing/personal growth isn’t always linear. It’s certainly been a process and I’d like to say all the work is done, but every now and then something small will occasionally come up that I’m forced to examine.